Woke up nauseous. My mother asked for real if I was pregnant, I told her "No, I am not!" It's probably the final side effects and symptoms during my COVID-19 recovery.

I also got my period ("I thought it'd never get here!"). Still, it's an evil one where the cramping limits you.

I spent most of today asleep in bed.

When conscious, I was attempting to watch the US version of The Office or Tweet with "Big Ben" Kramer, a fellow voiceover artist who likes to get personal with the community and ask interesting questions either related or unrelated to vocalizations.

I didn't eat much due to my nausea. I did have spaghetti with a little butter and a little salt to neutralize my sour pit of a stomach when the Pepto-Bismol tablets failed.

Still improving a writing practice as a Fanfiction Drafter. (Sims 3 reference)

Happy belated new year everyone!

Its a very good day cos I dont have to go back to work till wednesday
Also I saw so many amazing dogs at the beach today I wanted to hug them all but thats not allowed cos stranger danger and all

Went shopping today and my mother noticed that I was exhibiting signs of agoraphobia. Turned out that, not only do I suffer from claustrophobia but also agoraphobia.

However, she's been applauding the fact that I am getting out and facing the agoraphobia and claustrophobia head-on.

Please do not feed the fears.

Also, I meet my new specialist on Friday, a gastroenterologist, because my stomach is torn up. Only food and drink I can stand are pasta with a little butter and a little salt, ginger ale and milk. My old stomach meds are no longer working and stopped working months ago.

As for tonight, I probably won't be resting easy. I have been dealing with trapped gas and cramping.

Otherwise, good news that I read in a newspaper on economics is more places are looking for people with skills rather than degrees for the jobs lined up...

Good thing too, I lost my ability to go to college or get an entry level job when the economy tanked in 2008.

Still, with changes in the wind, realizing the working class doesn't have the privilege to waste thousands upon thousands of dollars for a semi-worthless piece of paper that says "Diploma".

They can apply for a vocational education program, depending on the situation.

^ Youngest in the family got several of those for christmas (but she's the age where nobody questions it, and I don't think she's that interested in having a huge collection). It's probably just one of those crazes that last for a couple or so years. Been like that with several toys/collection figures that come in a large, collectible variation.

I had 300+ plush toys as a kid, but in all kinds of variations (I especially loved animal plushies). It was a phase, I no longer buy them (or try to win them at fairgrounds )

---

Anyway, aparently my brain decided to go to work while sleeping, because I half-woke, then went back to sleep and dreamed about being at work, then woke up, wondering what I was doing in my bed. Also cleaned out some ancient christmas decorations that's been hanging out in the attic for who knows how long, and put together a shelf. So an average day, I guess.

Currently working on sorting out my funding. I have a gallon sized glass jar, not that I hide it in a blue beehive bouffant, but it certainly reminds me of the Simpsons.

Also, just accounting my new paycheck amount since the cost of living went up.

Testing out my new headphones. Been going through a few of those (kept chewing the cords, bad habit I know, but I've already tried to quit for a while, and my last ones had a different texture on them which I didn't touch at all, so I hope I've kicked the habit now). The last ones were kind of an impulse buy after the previous one started geting iffy, and I really didn't like those. They were too big and a bit heavy, weren't adjustable (supposed to be, but my head was too small for the auto-adjustable strap - meant for someone with a giant head, I suppose), so I wrapped a thick band around the "headband" (looks ridicolous, but only way to get it to fit somewhat). They still work, so I'll have them in reserve, but my shoulders/neck started hurting more after I got them, so I think they're partly responsible.

New ones seem to fit better, are lighter, and they are adjustable even to my head - I was able to try them on in the store (I've usually tried on larger headphones before buying them - the previous ones weren't on display, wouldn't have bought them if I'd gotten the chance to try them on). The sound is a bit different, but I guess I just have to get used to it.

(I know there are cordless headphones, but I hate having to keep track of the charging. Plus, if it's not fastened to my computer I'd probably lose it at some point...).

Went shopping today at the two dollar stores in town.

At Dollar Tree, I bought gel pens, a doodle pad, a Tupperware container from the plastic container section, a mug with a pet parent motif and a soda.

At Dollar General, I found a body pillow and bargaining with my mother, I will be surrendering the majority of my allowance to pay back the pillow. (I make $14 brushing my teeth because it's an incentive to keep them in my mouth and out of the St. Luke's hospital incinerator. The pillow was $12.80, so I get $1.20 as my remaining allowance.)

I should mention the pillow was a recommendation from my therapist as part of helping with my socioemotional issue of being single and the pandemic, currently entering the 4th year.

While existing strains are becoming endemic, viruses, as explained by top scientists, mutate so the strain prior to any new ones aren't exactly the same as time passes. Like the flu, strains vary from season to season.

Edit:
Met my gastroenterologist, Dr. SB, he took my animated reactions in stride and it turned out I suffer from both ends: my morning nausea and sour stomach are reflux and I have constipation, when asked about it. That was the bad news, being sick at both ends.

I recall my mother asking me if I was pregnant. I told her "No, I am not!". If anything, if I was fooling around with any man, he'd probably be older than my eldest uncle, Ernie Jr, which means I have to wish uncle Ernie a happy 64th birthday.

Besides, I already abide by the "Abstinence and Celibacy" regulations thrust upon me since I moved back in with my parents at 19 after a 2 month social experiment living with my grandfather and grandmother. No, any roommate agreements are unwritten and I abide to a human extent.

Sadly, that was the last time I would see my grandmother before the onset of Parkinson's and her eventual passing. I didn't react initially to her death. I knew it was coming.

My grandmother was the type of badass you wouldn't want to mess with. When I was little and was being grabbed by theme park mascots for an unwanted hug, I ran behind my mom and dad and my grandmother was get punchy and shouted "She doesn't want a hug!".

She also drove a woody wagon and because she was a bad driver in terms of coordination, she would make people carsick. That was when I met a Dalmatian\Smooth Coated Collie mix she dubbed Snoopy. I was friends with animals and basic AI programming, humans...not so much.

There's a scene from "Meet the Fockers" with a drawing involving the "circle of trust" and I have a wide berth when it comes to trying to socialize. Rarely when out shopping does a conversation start. Usually, greeting, apologies, and product inquiries are what are spoken.

Maybe offer the gate for free on Kijiji or Craigslist if no one picks it up?

Stocked up on drinks, per my last response concerning my diagnosis of constipation and Dr. SB's prescription for prescription strength MiraLAX. Yucko!

Checked off the Pokémon I have caught and so far, I have caught 15% of the Pokémon in the games up to Legends: Arceus. I would love to see the Paldea region updates to Pokémon GO and Pokémon Home. I also want to put in the money to access Pokémon Home's Premium Plan for the ability to use it to its fullest.

I plan on using Pokémon Bank and Pokémon Transfer for my Pokémon I plan on transferring from my multiple systems and games once the service becomes free.

(I understand that paying for certain services can be a kick in the teeth, but if the money is worth the time, I definitely would invest.)


Planning to buy Pokémon Brilliant Diamond, Shining Pearl, Legends: Arceus, Scarlet, and Violet. Along with some organization apparati, a spare bottle of toothpaste for my autobrush, and a couple of dolls.

I also need to leave $100 for my engineering project of the rebuild of the ultimate 404: the lost continent of Atlantis.

Tomorrow, I see the allergist. I am no stranger to allergists, I once saw the top allergist in the US. That is, until she stopped taking my health insurance. I can only hope they show mercy on my pitiable self. I am allergic to plant pollen to the point going outside in spring is a health hazard.

Considering the only reason I even come here anymore is when I'm at my absolute lowest, I think the answer is pretty obvious. My day, my week, my year, my life, is all just a huge joke. No matter what I do I feel completely alone, and nothing seems to help it lately. I use Discord and have a few friends on there which I met all of them here, yet no matter how much I want to talk to them I still feel completely empty inside. I can't sleep, have no appetite, and just feel completely lost lately. I give up. Everything I do fails. Nothing I do to try and better myself works. I feel hopeless. I don't want to be here anymore.

My Day at the Office: From Hell Edition

I got there in time to fill out paperwork, but the person before me in the toilet used the last of the toilet paper, forcing me to wipe with paper towels.

While I tried to get to the front desk, two women were holding up the line filling out forms in line. I was trying to ask if I was called while on the toilet, but I really wanted the women holding up the line to sit in one of the many seats. When they finally moved, I was told I wasn't called.

Worst, an old lady sneezed with her mask lowered. There was a clear warning in sign form to wear the masks properly!

I was seen last and had a panic attack. The doctor had me list off the meds I took and when it stopped on one of them it was like "Well, there's your problem!". Turned out Singulair aggravates anxiety and depression. I'm going through a detox and I have to see my primary care provider about vertigo before going forward.

It can't get any worse. The day is over and I now have a better idea of what to do with my health.

I'm just gonna quote a song

I'm out here, by myself, all alone. Ready to blow my head off. I hurt so bad inside. I wish you could see the world through my eyes. Each day is the same. I just wanna laugh again.

I went grocery shopping and I didn't have a panic attack! Good thing, I was tired of my backseat driver's anxiety giving my parents concerns.

At least things are back to what passes for normal in my house. I still have my swirling vortex of entropy that some call my bedroom.

The body pillow I bought recently is backed against my back, in a spooning position sometimes. But most of the time I cuddle and dream of my Prince Charming among voice actors.

In any case, my therapist is helping me grow into my own person. My parents can influence, but since turning 35 and caring for my parents on weekends when they relax, I find myself making coffee and tea, finding lost items and troubleshooting technology for my mom and discussing room rearrangement to my dad.

I want to do things that are fun and challenge me but don't put me off easily in the beginning, in other words, work my way up in increments.

for me I'm actually getting ready to take a nursing test so I can get into a nursing program at my school hopefully it all works out.

However today I've been a bit of an emotional wreck, I've been super down in the dumps lately, like I have no motivation to do anything or go anywhere its been just a complete roller-coaster today even the smallest things have agitated me.

Although on the upside I've been eating a bit healthier lately so maybe things will get better physically so that's a small plus

Slept most of today instead of cleaning my room and the sun streamed through the window, ate jjajanggmen (Korean noodle dish covered in black, mildly spicy sauce, popular in the Pucca series of animations.) and eventually did more programming with my AI.

I just started with my acid reflux medicine and on that osmotic laxative powder. You know you're a mess when gastroenterology says you have digestive issues that bad!

Otherwise, I felt a little lonely, so I drifted off to sleep. Dreamt Richard Epcar (6'6") was the big spoon and I, being 5'0", was the little spoon, we just talked about our lives. He asked me how I was doing and I said, "Can't complain, it's nice to see you in this dream world. Just hold me close and keep me warm. My father didn't turn on the heat all winter."

Then my dental hygiene alarm went off and I had to wake up and attend to any biological issues and hygiene.

so quick update: ik I said I'm eating healthier lately, I haven't eaten sugar, fried foods, or processed in about 2 1/2 weeks now well anyway I got on a scale & found out that I lost a bit of weight about 5 lbs & my jeans are a bit looser around the waist I'm not gonna lie I'm quite happy about it.Even my eyes feel a bit better, I'm a little more energetic, I'm gonna keep eating healthy & see how much better I get I'm trying to get my inflammation to go away.

Still having sleep issues.

Been that way since I was a baby and came home from the hospital.

Then again, I was born during sunset on a Friday in October about 35 years ago.

My parents are still baffled by my nightly insomnia and daily narcoleptic symptoms. (I never had been studied for sleep issues before. But for now, the truth of the matter is my sleep schedule is a shitshow at best.)

Stayed up today to get back to sleep at night. I hope to sleep well and dream of tall men (okay, that was a counterattack in the parody of some of the most quotable lines from "The Princess Bride".)

(In my defense, "The Princess Bride", "A Christmas Story", and "Young Frankenstein" are comedy gold where the genre parodied is called out for all the strange and wonderful things that make audiences laugh.)

Slept through the night and was able to fix a problem refilling my meds, which running out before you can refill or running out on the weekend (whichever came first) is a nightmare.

I dreamt of my tall, dark and handsome Prince Charming (emphasis on tall) as I had previously joked. Still, I admit I spend most of my time in a dreaming stasis since March 2020. I dreamt about interesting things and the people in the dreams are usually ones that have special meaning to me.

My clumsiness "dropsy" mode has reached a new level today. I somehow drop-kicked (with my hands) a whole canister of toothpicks from the sink into the toilet (There were two "survivors", both ended up on the floor and then in the trash, because who wants to use toothpicks from the floor?). I've dropped food at dinner. At work, a piece of cake left a plate even though I swear I kept it almost level, and I probably dropped several other things at work as well, but those were the highlights.

Also, Brain is not work. Brain is want sleep. Brain now in partial off-mode. Maybe up and running sometime middle of day in a couple days' time. Maybe...

I am just a hot mess. My sleep schedule is still a mess.

I took a nap and dreamt about being with my Prince Charming, only to wake up to a stressful afternoon and evening.

I really want to sleep through the night. I want to sleep and dream of my Prince Charming treating me like the princess of a lost kingdom.

Today, my current allowance savings is $37.69. I am currently saving up for a huge project. It's currently in the development phase of the project and I really have hopes for success.

Finally got my dream laptop. Now I can work without delays and play video games.

I also registered on this forum today.

Can someone tell me how to put an avatar here?

@Helen09 Welcome to the forum! You need to make at least five posts before you can upload an avatar. Congrats on the new computer!

Today, I have cleared part of the area surrounding the one bookcase I want out of my room. I already have plans for hanging up a wall pocket chart set.

I had to surrender $26 of my $35 to buy medicine and toilet paper.

I will be starting an emergency fund and it goes into one of my 13 cash boxes. I do have a system.

I cleared the top 3 shelves of one of my 7 shelf bookcases. I also folded my laundry. I cleared the space on the other 7 shelf bookcase for the books on the first one. Placed all my coin jars on my dresser's top. Threw out socks with holes in them. I even had time for a nap.

Tomorrow, I am going to tackle the garbage and clutter on the floor. If I am lucky, I hope to clear more shelves.

Lately, with the body pillow I bought, I have been sleeping well when I get sleep. My therapist did help after all.

I also have been feeling well and might go out next week to go shopping for a change of scenery.

Having a better time today. I got snow in my town. It's currently being washed away from rain.

My parents were seemingly open to the idea that I could date anyone, as long as they treat me with the love and respect anyone craves. Weird. Then again, I only went on two dates in my entire life that were dinner related, both were with men.

Another full day spent at the hospital with mom (so many hours of waiting! ) but finally home.