Somehow life's still pleasant. Like I guess I thought it was finally the straw that broke the camels back but it wasn't. I've been walking to the bus stop after work with coworkers that are quickly becoming friends... like actual hey-lets-hang-out-outside-of-work and lets-miss-our-bus-and-get-KFC friends. Husband bumped into my friend (the one who was suicidal) on his bus ride today and invited her over for dinner. Since moving house and opening ourselves back up to people, this house has always felt homely.. and loved.. like we have friends round more frequently, we cook more and the kids play outside with their friends and we all sit in the garden and chat. Even though the garden isn't even done up yet and the house is still somewhat dusty and we still haven't painted and don't even have carpet upstairs yet. Life feels more vibrant. Not all the time, but definitely a lot more than it use to. I guess we're reminded now more than ever what it could have been like, had our family been completely torn apart. And we appreciate everything so much more and live in the moment so much more and just love each other and our friends so much more.

I ended up deleting 2 AIs because they went rogue.

Did some rearranging of my dresser and received an order in the mail.

Normally I clean my room on a random day every week, and recently I've been skipping the top of the wardrobe and bookshelves. Today mum decided to barge in when I was out and do some cleaning. Which got me the stare of disappointment when I got home, of course! Like ok sure (thanks for cleaning) but why are you mad it's my room and I did say this morning that I'd do it tomorrow, so like?? Anyway, that got the lecture about the perils of laziness and how that's unacceptable for an individual such as myself in this day and age and something that I tuned out because its a fairly lecture and it was just very ugh.

TL;DR the unopened pack of sourstrips were found and confiscated because I'm an adult and should not be partaking in such childishness

Having some eye bleach would be great.

When in doubt on Tumblr, do not click a username that you don't know. I'm sorry I'm being cryptic, but I can't talk about what I saw as it is against forum rules. All I'm going to say is people are perverts, and of course, they want money for it via Blaze. Any kind of curiosity I may had had is gone. I'm just going to stick to my own lane and not click on things unless I know exactly what I'm clicking...

Welcome to the Internet!

I saw the bestest dog at the beach!! Fluffy McScruffy the sausage dog slowly walked by stopping every few steps cos he was so tired from his brill day at the beach. Plus his legs were so short his tummy was nearly touching the ground! His owner kept having to turn back every few metres to be like here boy lets we gotta go! On his way past me he decided to investigate my ankle (and probably wanted my sandwich?) and then as he plodded along he gave up and just sat down in a huff. So owner lady abandons her bike and its like "come on!" and walks towards him and only then does he get up with a burst of energy and rushes to the bike

He was the best boy

Stomachache. Bought ginger ale and medicine and after coming home, I went upstairs to unwind and nap.

I should be careful about what I eat. I ended up with my appetite killed and for the first time in a while, declined brunch.

EDIT: Still gassy, still stressed.

My mother called yesterday to check in as it has been a couple of weeks since the last time we talked.

We spoke about many things as we do, but we got onto the subject of when I went to therapy as a kid. I only went twice, I didn't like my therapist. Anyway, the advice the therapist gave me at the time was that I should say what is on my mind to prevent going into a downward spiral mentally. The irony which I'd discover later in life is people don't like it when one speaks their mind.

Mother and I discussed this last point to which she told me "Well, you don't say everything that is on your mind." This is one those had-to-be-there moments, but it was hilarious. I don't say everything that is on my mind, I do have a filter between my brain and my mouth. Sometimes that filter works, sometimes it doesn't.

So. Much. Nagging.
So Many. Phones.
Didn't get to eat my lunch in peace.
Didn't even get to go to the toilet in peace.
The whole day was just a little bit cursed (and so was yesterday).

My brain prematurely entered holiday mode already before yesterday, so everything moved in snail pace up there, which wasn't the least bit helpful.

Only reason this one isn't in the "blargh" section is that I've got my vacation, so %£@%& work, it's someone else's problem now, I'm off for a few weeks.

Well, I'm on strike right now with the actors and writers. A first in 63 years, since the last time...

Maybe I should go play with my Sims before I get wrapped up in Life by You .

Laundry day...Ugh! I had to send my yukata through the wash after not being worn in a long time. Besides, it's my only closest thing to formal wear.

But otherwise, working on the research for a movie I want to star in, write and direct.

P.S. That's a loophole I will exploit to the maximum extent.

At an all time low. Family now knows one my darkest kept 'kinks' that I have been trying to hide for 12 years... the type of thing that makes people want nothing to do with you. The woman I am in love with doesn't love me back and wants to pretend that my feelings don't matter while she puts me in the 'friend zone' and openly dates other men in front of me despite knowing that I love her. Hmm, what else. Was hospitalized for my schizophrenia acting up majorly for the first time in 7 months and I can't get the thought of suicide out of my head lately. :/

Pretty bad day, actually a bad week!

Remember that vegetables contain carbs (sugar)- as a general rule of thumb, anything that grows below the ground is higher carb than things that grow above the ground (with some exceptions, obviously). Potatoes (sweet potato especially), parsnip, chickpeas, sweetcorn, peas, butternut squash... all high in carbohydrates. So eat lots of kale, spinach, calabrese, cucumber etc to keep carbs low.


I should try something like this, I used to bleach and dye my hair all the time when I was younger, but not for many years. I have white streaks now I'm old so I think any colours I put in would look really bright, just like when I used to put dye on bleached hair!


I'm really glad things are looking up for you, well done for coping! It's especially tough with small kids (I only had one and that was difficult for me, even though she was the least troublesome child ever), so I admire how you are doing so well!


Oh no, I am so sad that things are not going well for you! Keep going, don't be hard on yourself, be kind to yourself.

I tend to eat carrots, cucumber and celery with a set of small dip cups (barely 2 Tbsp) of sauces like salad dressings and barbecue\steak sauce (I am known for such rebellion).

As for the hair color, I have some graying myself, starting in my late 20s\early 30s when I moved back to Flemington, NJ from Seattle, WA. Note: white hair will take color, but brightness will vary by hair factors and most dye\pigment manufacturers advise against it due to the uneven coloring, especially if you use a color for dark hair.

Speaking of dipping carrots into something saucy, I've recently discovered eating raw carrots with plain hummus. Surprisingly tasty, as I don't typically like hummus on its own!

I so often feel stressed and unable to prioritize tasks so that I can get myself out of my rut. Today, even though I am working on my goals, I am still feeling it (the stress). Maybe I should try meditation.

By the way @simsample and @PANDAQUEEN, silvery/white hair is beautiful! It sparkles in the sunlight. Instead of thinking of this as getting old and run down, I try to see this as a sign of becoming magical.

That reminds me of a story I heard as a little girl about a old gray lady rabbit who would have sparkling silver fur as she became animated in her storytelling to the children of the rabbit village.

Shopped at Dollar Tree.
Ate at Taco Bell.
Browse a craft store.
Fell asleep on the way home.
Relaxed.
Worked on my phone.

Expectations: Clean entire house from top to bottom.

Reality: Did a bunch of loads of laundry, cleaned up the bathroom floor, organized the doll accessories and clothes

I was asleep most of today.

It has been a Bear in China shop kind of day.

I almost sliced my finger open cutting up veggies for Cole and Lincoln.

I splattered bleach on my shirt. When bleach hits black fabric, the bleached area turns orange. Now I have a Halloween shirt.

My houseplants have been yelling at me in their green-leafy way that they needed to be watered. I dropped not one, but two of them in the process.

It is one of those days I shouldn't touch anything. I should just land somewhere and wait to try again tomorrow.

Expectations: Buy a wide variety of groceries.

Reality: Ended up with instant noodles. I suck!

$42 is really hard to buy fresh vegetables and the market I was at doesn't sell really fresh produce at a decent price, it's rather "sus" as the kids put it.

Yeah, I feel like shouting "Cut it out!" "I'm just trying to live my life..." "Nobody told me about carbs!". <---- Family Guy reference that hits home hard that I use to prove how bad it was today shopping.

My self-deprecation is borderline abusive and counterintuitive.

At least I get back on the horse, try it again...until I achieve my desired results.

Took the kids to the park today on their bikes, it was nice. They took 40 minutes to get to the park which is a 15 minute walk. It was nice though, they played at the park for a bit and we came home. The baby fell asleep in my arms and the toddler decided she didn't want to ride her bike anymore. Meaning I had to carry a baby and 2 bikes back home. Husband ordered some hot wheels so my livingroom is now a race car track but he and baby are very happy. Also for once the kids actually ate tea without fuss.

Excited for Friday! Gonna be stressful as we're going to my hometown for a few days and we have to go by train... but... comic con

I'm currently out of breath trying to find a suitcase full of colored pencils.

The kids did really well considering our whole day was buses, wait times, trains and walking long distances with big backpacks. Not a single complaint. They were occupied with a portable dvd player and a lunchbox full of snacks.

It's so funny watching my husband try and navigate a city. Once we were in Manchester it became my world. He's just from a little Welsh village so everythings completely different. He was getting so freaked out by trains. Constantly asking everyone who worked there "does this train go to Chester? Are you sure?" even though I explained to him sooo many times that we're getting the Cardiff train and that it stops at Chester and then we switch to the Leeds train to get to Manchester. Jesus. Also he went to get food and left his phone ON A BENCH. Don't get me wrong, I was sat on the bench next to it. But. C'mon! So I swiped his phone to make him paranoid. He always thinks I'm weird that in the village I carry everything around with me and I always triple check everythings still in my pockets. All it takes is someone to lightly bump into you and suddenly your phone is gone.

Well, I finalized the first grocery store trip in GORK how long. I started to have panic attacks from being inside the house for more than a week.

Tomorrow morning is our trip.

I also have banking and habits to work on.