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Shoosh Malooka
Theorist
#126 Old 23rd Feb 2018 at 2:40 AM
"You see these movies, they're so violent. And yet a kid is able to see the movie if sex isn't involved, but killing is involved. And maybe they have to put a rating system for that."
PANDAQUEEN
Mad Poster
#127 Old 25th Feb 2018 at 9:43 AM
There's always my favorite: The argument between the naval ship and the lighthouse.
Personal Quote: "I like my men like my sodas: tall boys." (Zevia has both 12 and 16 oz options)

(P.S. I'm about 5' (150cm) in height and easily scared)
Bulbizarre
Mad Poster
#128 Old 25th Feb 2018 at 7:51 PM
Here's a great joke I found on Reddit a few days ago.

Quote:
Three guys are hiking in the woods and find an old lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50

The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion.

The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.

The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish.

First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.

Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.

Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.

The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.

First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more.

Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already.

Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.

The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.

Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going.

First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years."

Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed."

Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says: "Guys, I think I fucked up."
I'm secretly a Bulbasaur. | Formerly known as ihatemandatoryregister

Looking for SimWardrobe's mods? | Or Dizzy's? | Faiuwle/rufio's too! | Simlogical Archives | smorbie1's Chris Hatch archives
smorbie1
Mad Poster
#129 Old 25th Feb 2018 at 9:24 PM
That's a good one.
"Fear not little flock, for it hath pleased your Father to give you a kingdom". Luke 12:32 Chris Hatch's family friendly files archived on SFS: http://www.modthesims.info/showthread.php?t=603534 . Bulbizarre's website: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C...CoveredPortals/
Graveyard Snowflake
Scholar
#130 Old 28th Feb 2018 at 6:00 PM
More of a random thing said by a friend a few years ago in high school during lunch:
"Needle pulling thread"

(I almost peed myself laughing upon hearing that. Came outta nowhere.)
Life is paradoxically coincidental to the ironical tyranny applicable to the unparalleled definition of reverse entropy.

"A thunderstorm breaks the wall of darkness." - Lyrics to Storm

"Meh." - me
Elynda
Scholar
#131 Old 30th Mar 2018 at 6:05 AM
Found this in a old book earlier:

A certain farmer and his son lived in a run down farmhouse where conditions there were very primitive: they didn't even have a proper toilet, just an outdoor privy backing onto a river. One day the farmer said to his son. "Son, did you push the privy into the river last night?"
"No Father I did not," replied the boy.
"Now son," said the farmer. "let me tell you about a boy named George Washington. One day his father noticed that a favourite cherry tree in his orchard had been chopped down, and he asked young George if he had done it. And George spoke up and said he couldn't tell a lie, and yes he did chop it down. Whereupon his father said that since he'd been honest and told the truth, he would not punish him. So now I shall ask you again, did you push the privy into the river last night?"
"Yes Father I did" said the boy. Whereupon the farmer took off his belt and gave him a good thrashing.
"I don't understand Father," protested the aggrieved youth. "When George Washington told the truth he wasn't punished, but when I tell the truth I am punished. What is the difference?"
"The difference," said the farmer, "is that George Washington's father wasn't sitting in the tree at the time!"
Legend is history as we would like it to be. We pick through the dusts of time for what is worth keeping and, here and there, we occasionally find treasure.

tumblr: Elyndaworld *** tumblr: Queen Lucy *** Landramaer
PANDAQUEEN
Mad Poster
#132 Old 31st Mar 2018 at 5:41 PM
Therapist: Have you had any jobs?
Patient: I was a member of the zoo keeping staff at a zoo.
Therapist: What did you take away from it?
Patient: Definitely not a penguin...
Therapist: What?
Personal Quote: "I like my men like my sodas: tall boys." (Zevia has both 12 and 16 oz options)

(P.S. I'm about 5' (150cm) in height and easily scared)
ScaryRob
Alchemist
#133 Old 10th Apr 2018 at 3:39 PM
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillow? It's making headlines.
ScaryRob
Alchemist
#134 Old 19th Apr 2018 at 4:33 PM
The local S&M club was robbed last week and everyone was left bound and gagged. No one in the neighborhood suspected anything was wrong for three days.
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