Well, it was extremely late after we left the Doctor. Even now, I still can’t quite believe it…

Twins!

I knew I was a lot larger than normal, and that the effects of this pregnancy were worse that usual, but I never thought I could be expecting two babies. How am I going to cope!

Dear Sadistic Creator, you had to do this to me! Pisces and Scorpio so close together was hard, but this…!



At least Tim’s as kind and dependable as ever. He’s remembered that I need new clothes to cover the Twin Bump of Doom, and has also picked up some native jewellery to help me feel better. Interesting how so many people here seem to know him, but at least it means he gets some great deals!

In any case, like my new clothes?



These are definitely a lot cooler and comfier to wear than my other stuff. I saw him thinking about a dress that matched one of his shirts, but considering how short it was I think he was a little worried about the attention I’m getting. Maybe he thinks that if I wear longer stuff, the locals will all lose interest…



Hah! Here’s Jim showing me one of the native dances. Ever seen a Mama pregnant with twins doing the Hula?



Speaking of his top, here it is. Looks nice on him, doesn’t it. *Winks*

I wonder when he got that. Must have got it before we left, especially as he knew we were going.



So now I can strut my stuff in the daytime. It’s so nice being about to wander about with worrying about people looking, although from what I’ve learned they’re more admiring looks than the gaze of scorn and laughter. I don’t even have to wear that bikini anymore…



…Unless I want to. Swimming has become so helpful to my state of mind, along with the fact that there is a reason behind the Bump of Doom and the knowledge that both babies are healthy. At least I will always have Tim to help me and only me out. He’s so sweet, and I know he’s going to be an excellent Daddy.



When he’s not being pinched by crabs that is.

*Grins*

At least in his searches he’s found me a shell bracelet, a shell necklace, a couple of clams, a couple of bones for Wolfie, and a few maps to a couple of other places. He’s mentioned that one day we might go take the kids to Three Lakes, or go on a second honeymoon to Takemizu, just to find these places. If those holidays are like this one, I can’t wait!



I can’t believe I was so against this trip. Maybe it was the hormones and my fears about my pregnancy, but now I love this place. The natives are so relaxed and nice, and it doesn’t help that the whole reverence thing my lovely Bump of Doom has going on means I get stares of envy and delight.



There is one small worry at the back of my brain now though. Earlier today, Tim and I went to this holy ruin. Tim said that the natives come to this place to pray for good fortune and wanted to make an offering for a great future of our marriage and for the lives of the kids. Everything seemed great when we threw our offerings into the fountain, but then something happened…



…Suddenly, the fountain burst out lava! No one was hurt, but the natives were all worried and kept talking about betrayed wrongs and a great tragedy and crisis on the horizon. Is this because of what did with Jim? That’s it! No more side-dates, I’m going to be a one-man woman for the rest of my days. I just hope the gods won’t decide to punish me by hurting the kids. Even now, a few hours later, I’m still rubbing my tummy in fear.



AT least I have Tim here to calm me down. We spent the rest of that day inside due to a sudden thunderstorm, and he spent the whole time just being there for me, even after I fell asleep. I think I really do love him.



In any case, our honeymoon is now over. Tim’s just finishing up at the desk while I stand outside with the suitcases, then it is back to real life, the kids, and anything else that occurs. It’s been a great time and now that I know the twins are coming, I can prepare accordingly.

I still can’t get the native’s words out of my mind though. I just hope that nothing will go wrong for me this time…

Please.

I'm so addicted to this story! Even my boyfriend, who doesn't play the sims or read sim stories, is always asking me if there was an update on "his story"! haha. Lovin' all the updates! Keep up the good work!

Virtual cookies to anyone who gets the reference! *Grins*
-----

*Sigh*



It’s been a while since the honeymoon, but even now when I look at the souvenirs on the shelf my heart starts to flutter, and this time it’s only because of Tim. I’ve kept my promise – I haven’t even LOOKED at another guy. Tim’s the One, I know it!



Even the amazing present from Jim hasn’t deterred me from my oath. I guess I must have made a real impression on him. In the end, I sold it and used the money to help build a couple of walls in the living room to create another bedroom. Scorpio’s asked if he can have it as he’s going to soon be too old for his kiddie room I think when Sagi’s old enough I’ll move him into Scorpio’s old room, which makes space for the twins to sleep in our room until Tim earns enough money for us to build a separate nursery.

It’s a pity Tim’s away on business again. I really miss him, but at least the target for the nursery is getting closer.



And it seems that Wolfie does too. He’s always looking out the window and often joins me when I sit there. What can I say? It’s a comfy place for a woman of my noble bulk. The Twins have still yet to show their beloved presence amongst us, although I can never forget about them for long. I swear, I have the world’s next two David Beckhams currently practicing their moves in my Bump of Doom. Ouch!

*Sniffs*

What’s that smell?



Yuck, it stinks! Even though I should really be resting and not cleaning the place, I have to get rid of this now! I’m pretty sure I can make it to the rubbish bin without popping.

There, all gone now. Hey, what’s that…



“Get away from my husband, you fat tart!”

I suddenly turn around, probably a bit too quick as the babies do a series of kicks to let their displeasure known. Some strange woman had crept up behind me and was currently glaring at me. Boy does she look mad, but she must have got the wrong person.

“I’m sorry; there must have been a mistake. As you can see, it’s a miracle that I can make it this far from my house, let alone sleep with another woman’s husband, even if I wanted to.”

“Don’t give me that!” she screeched. “I want you to get your dirty paws off my Tim!”

…Tim?!

“What?! The only Tim I know is my husband.”

“Liar! The name’s Bolt Bui, and I’ve tracked my lousy husband to this place! Where is he!”

…No…

There’s a cold pit in my stomach, and I think even the twins realise this because they’ve stopped kicking. My hands shaking, I remove the copy of mine and Tim’s wedding certificate from the special place I keep it in my purse and offer it to her. She snatched it furiously, but as soon as she looked at it her eyes grew wide and she suddenly grow pale. For some reason, I think I may look very similar. Reaching into her bag, she brought out a piece of paper that I know quite well. A marriage certificate.

…God no…



An hour later, both of us are sitting in my kitchen, completely silent. The last sixty minutes, it has been nothing but comparing notes, trying to find anything that would disprove the fact that our two husbands is the same man.

Timothy Bui:

Likes learning new recipes and cooking them.
Born in Salt Lake City.
Loves to dance, although he’s rubbish at it.
Has a star-shaped birthmark on his right hip.
Graduated from La Fiesta Tech with honours in Culinary Arts.
Currently works as a Sous Chef, and spends a lot of time around the country.

All exactly the same.

Both of us just sat here in shock. The worst thing about it, apart from the realisation the Tim has lied to me throughout our entire relationship, if the fact that there are a number of dates that neither of us can account for…

…How many other wives has he got?



A couple of days later, me and Bolt have a list of potentials, gained by cross-examining Tim’s schedule for the last few weeks with marriage records for any Timothy Bui’s in that area that Bolt managed to obtain through her job as a Police Officer. The list scares me, especially as I know I have to phone up these people to check.

“Hello, am I speaking with Mrs Sarah Bui? Is your husband around?”

“Oh no, I’m afraid you’ve missed him. He’s just left for work. He’s a Sous Chef and it often takes him across country…”

…Bastard.

In the end, it’s been confirmed that he’s got six different wives. I’m sitting here feeling sick to the stomach, and even the kicks of the twins seem muted. It’s bad enough that he cheated on me but I could forgive that – after all, I’m no angel in that respect – but it’s the whole fact that there are five other women who did the same that I did and went into a marriage believing that he was their One, and only theirs. Now I understand what happened at the shrine that day! The whole time it was Tim, not me, that broke his oath!

Suddenly, I feel disgusting, as if there’s slime all over me that needs to be washed away. The feel of him touch is too much to bare, but I know no mere water can wash this away.



Thank the Sadistic and Merciless Creator for friends like Armando. He came over right away and is sitting here cuddling me. Hmmm, this feels so nice I think I’ll take it a step further…



…Of course. What loving embrace can I have without the husband walking in. He must have finally decided to come home to his loving Wife Number 6.

“Noir…No! How could you! I trusted you!”
He’s standing there with tears in his eyes, and I just go numb. I watch as he turns around and leaves the room quietly. Just as silent, I leave Armando’s warm embrace, and after getting dressed I head downstairs.

He’s waiting for me in the living room, his soulful eyes piercing my very heart, as if I had sliced Wolfie open and left him on Tim’s pillow. Both of us just stood there, then I did something I’ve never done before…



…I got down on my knees and begged.

Begged him not to leave, begged him to forgive me, begged him not to hold this against the kids. I begged him to give me another chance until the tears streamed down my eyes and the sobs stopped me from being able to speak. I kneeled there, the Bump of Doom touching the floor when a hand touched my hand and brought me to my feet.



Suddenly, Tim hugged me and whispered forgiveness in my ears. I hugged him back, and we stood there until a loud gurgle came from my stomach and Tim laughed. He was about to head out to the kitchen go cook some food, but then I stopped him. I was the one who did wrong, so I should cook tonight.

And so I did. I made his favourite meal of spaghetti, and I stood there beaming with pride as Tim praised my amazing cooking and happily munched it down.



You know, some men just can’t hold their arsenic.

<3 Poor Tim...or rather, NOT poor Tim...six bloody wives?! How did he find the time?! Is--was-- he REALLY a chef...?

Chicago rocks.

Thanks for the cookie.

ahahah, Tim got what was coming to him! I love Noir's personality,
This is a fantastic story, you update so often and its always fun to read.

Alright...he deserved it. And I'm starting to feel bad for Noir...when she wants to settle down it all goes to heck. Maybe that's karma working?

Well, Tim the Bigamist is gone, and thanks to the help of Police Officer Bui, his death was ruled an ‘accidental death by food poisoning’.*Smirk*

Of course, this does leave me in a state of about to give birth to twins with no stable income or support, as well as three other kids. On the other hand, while I do seem to have the art of picking the wrong men down pat, at least I’m a good enough actor to play the ‘Poor Widow that’s adorable even when sporting the Bump of Doom’.



Hopefully, as Armando moves in, nothing will go wrong. Questionnaire time!

“Okay, just a few things. Money?”

“Well, there was a problem with a debt a while back…I have 1 simoleon…”

…That’s not a good start.

“Ugh. Okay, next order of business. Job?”

“Well, I was an employee of the Garden Club, but then there was that whole incident with the being found naked in the President of the club’s prize petunias. Man, she was a bit of a frigid…No. No job.”

…Definitely not good.

“Oookay… Final order of business, what items did you bring with you.”

“Well…I have this lovely vial of something the gypsy left on my doorstep, but apart from that…no items…”

…Okay, time to count to ten. Getting all worked up isn’t good, especially as the twins are being extra agitated today for some reason. This method worked, but only because Armado had wandered off by the time I had finished.



Seems he wants to build a greenhouse for me.

*Sigh*

Oh well, as long as it keeps him busy while I try to sort out a job for him. If he finds a treasure chest though, I’m going to take the kids on holiday. Maybe if he’s real nice to me, I won’t leave him at home with Wolfie.



Although, it doesn’t look so likely. It’s already dark and all he’s found so far is Wolfie’s prize bone collection.

Ouch! That was one hard kick! Felt like my entire body is squeezing up…

On no.



Somebody help me! The Bump of Doom’s about to spill its load! No more kids, please! Ooooowwwwwwwwwww…



Well, look who’s finally decided to give their Mama a break and show their faces. Meet Gemini and Aries, the newest baby girl and baby boy in the house! They’re both so cute, although I can tell you I’m not looking forward to the terrible twos!

At least Scorpio’s old enough know to help out a bit. He loves the twins already, and he’s such a responsible boy. I can tell that one day I’ll be a grandmother, he’s such a perfect gentleman with the girls and judging by the way he’s helping me take care of the twins he’s going to be a great daddy too! I just hope he hasn’t learnt by example from any of my ex-husbands…



He’s really studious too. He’s planning to go to University when he’s old enough, and he’s said that he wants to work real hard now so that he can earn scholarships to ease the pressure on me. That’s my boy!



He’s not the only one growing up. Little Sagittarius has practically grown up before my eyes. What ever happened to that little toddler I seem to remember clinging onto my ankles? He’s just like his older brother now, loves studying and I think he has a little hero-worship of Scorpio going on.



Unfortunately nobody, no matter how pretty, can get away with having twins without gaining some sort of waistline-baggage. I’ve started a regime of swimming whenever I’m able to in order to work off this flabby gut. How can I get dates if I’m still huge with no excuse?



Well, time passes and here we are, with a brand new greenhouse. Armando’s managed to get a job in Politics, so it’s up to me to look after this when he’s at work. Surprisingly, I don’t really mind. The little buds are actually kind of cute, and at least working in the garden helps me in my task to lose weight.



…I have to admit, while I may not be an expert I’m pretty sure that’s not a tomato plant. Wonder if there was a mix-up of seeds somewhere.

Aww, it’s cute anyway.



And look at this gorgeous hunk of nicely-toned woman flesh! Watch out, Lady Noir’s back in business!



Of course, imagine my surprise when Armando does actually manage to pull a treasure chest out of the ground! With 5000 simoleons in the bank, it’s off to Three Lakes for me, Armando, Scorpio, Pisces and Sagittarius to go camping! I need a break from this dreary weather of constant snow and lack of sleep from the twins. As camping’s no place for a pair of newly-born, we’re leaving them behind with the Nanny. I just hope it isn’t snowing there as well…

At least I'm not pregnant for once!

Yay! Updates. My hand is weary, so you won't get overmuch in the way of brilliant comments beyond the initial "yay!" But that was sincere. Update soon and happy simsing!

Been lurking, but had to comment cause I got the Chicago reference *munches of virtual cookies* That's what I get for being a musical theater geek :P

And I love that you update so frequently too! I've really got to get back to my own black widow, this makes me miss her! Can't wait to see what happens on vacation.

Oh cripes....she's not going to get preggo with Big Foot, is she?

Does that even work? I haven't been to Three Lakes yet.

God no! That would really send her over the edge!

In any case, Bigfoot has no romantic interactions so it's impossible. Although, I am thinking of something that's just as evil to Noir to precede Armando's death. :P

Yes! A lovely vacation, free from changing nappies and spewing babies! I love the twins but I need to get away from it all every once in a while.



Pity it’s absolutely freezing here! Why did I think a trip to Three Lakes would be good in the middle of winter? It doesn’t help that the thickest clothes I own are stretched from their time covering The Bump of Doom. I’m going to have to go get some more while I’m here, before I turn into a Noir-sicle.

Agh, got to get up and do something that warms me up before I freeze…



…Actually, this is very nice! Very therapeutic. I really must see if I can fit one on the plane home.

Luckily for me, the snow melted before some very important parts of my anatomy were frozen off that I’d rather not lose. Leaving the campground for the day, we decided to head to a local attraction, The Lumber Mill.



Here’s a picture of Scorpio showing how much he takes after me by picking up the axe and having a whale of a time. I see another convert in my plan to install one at home! He’s a lot better than me though.



Being too young for Axe-throwing, Pisces and Sagittarius still had fun chasing each other all over the place, and enjoyed exploring the sights and chatting with the locals. Here’s a picture of them looking at a cross-section of a tree. Like the kids, Armando was strangely excited to see it and just sat there staring at it for a while with the silliest look on his face.

Professional gardeners/nature lovers…

In any case, I was distracted by the Log Roll they had set up nearby there and dragged Armando away from his beloved bit of wood off to it…



…Where he immediately fell off it before I had even got on! This does not look good.



At last, he’s finally managed to make it on. Ready…Set…GO!



Oh yes! Who’s the best? Who’s the Prettiest Champion of Log-Rolling? Lady Noir Bui, that’s who! It seems all that training after the twins were born has really paid off.



Look, another contender for the throne! You may be my eldest, Scorpio, but you’re going down!



*Glub*

Bah, beaten by my athletic son. Betrayed and thrown from my rightful throne of glory. Sadistic Creator, that water is cold! Despite the fact that the snow’s melted, it’s still very chilly. Hope I don’t catch a cold from my dunking!



Luckily for me, Armando didn’t see my fall from grace. He’s been busy learning the local slap-dance. I think it looks a little silly, but the kids all love it. He’s promised to teach them in the morning.

Speaking of which, it’s getting dark and the ground’s starting to get crunchy again. Back to the camp ground, where Mama can go have a nice hot shower before she freezes!



Before heading off to bed, we make one final stop and try out some of Three Lakes’ famed cuisine. Mmmm….Flapjacks!



Here’s the tent me and Armando slept in, as well as other stuff. *Winks*

I have to admit though, he’s not as good as my other lovers were. A bit less inspired… I hope he gets better soon though, or I might start to have to look all over again. Not that the prospect of looking sounds bad, especially with all those hunky lumberjacks wandering about…

I'm starting to like her. Is that wrong of me?

YARR!

Lol, I love this lady, she's hilarious. And Scorpio is not bad looking! not bad looking at all... Update soon! happy simsing, joyous holidays, etc. etc. you get the idea.

Ugh, great… After that soaking yesterday, I’ve managed to catch a cold. I’m all bunged up, dizzy, and I’m finding it hard to swallow. Mr Healthy Gardener didn’t get one, the lousy male. The freezing night in the tents didn’t help.



Give Armando his due, as soon as he woke up and saw me suffering, he immediately packed us up and booked us into a nearby lodge, the Blau Hills Lodge, where there are nice comfy beds and nice warm meals delivered right to the door. Looks nice, doesn’t it. Just wish I could get out of bed right now to enjoy the views…

At least it’s quiet here. Armando’s been entertaining Sagi and Pisces by taking them on tours and nature walks so I can get some rest.



Scorpio’s too old to be entertained in this way, but I think he’s happy learning stuff from the local girls. For some strange reason, every woman in the place goes gaga when he walks by. I wonder who he got that from. *Grins*

After a long snooze, I wake up to find myself feeling a little better, but still bunged up. Scorpio’s suggested the pair of us head out while the others are away and go to a nearby spa.



I have to admit, this sauna is definitely helping my achy body.



As is this! Oh yes, this is what I was most annoyed about at missing in Twikkii. Pity it’s not a man doing it, but right now I don’t really care. Ooo, a little to the left please!



After my massage, it’s time to take a dip in the hot springs. I definitely feel a lot better for this. Scorpio’s not too happy at the moment, but that maybe because of the result of a ‘bird-watching’ tour he went on. Turns out the bird he had his eye on has a mate of her own – a body builder from Twikkii! In any case, he’ll get over it. Just relax in this lovely water and let your worries slip away…

Hmm? Hey look, it’s Armando with the other two. I wonder how they got on…



Apparently they met a rather unusual stranger out on their walk.



The first thing Pisces does of course is wrap him round her little finger. Definitely just like her Mum. *Winks*

She wants to take him home of course, but I put my foot down. There’s barely enough room for us, let alone a giant hairy Bigfoot! Plus, I don’t want to spend my days unclogging the shower from all his hairs.



In any case, it sounds like they had a blast. That’s nice, but back to the hotel, I’m feeling a bit tired again. It’s the last night here for us, and Armando’s promised us a surprise.



Okay, I admit, there are some things that professional gardeners are good at, and finding delicious produce to make fantastic salads is one of them! Nice and tangy, with a unique flavour you don’t find in supermarket pre-packaged stuff. Makes me can’t wait until the tomatoes back home are ripe. I just hope the Nanny’s remembering to water them.

You’ve probably figured that the way to my heart is through my stomach by now. Armando may be no Tim in the cooking department, but he’s damn good nonetheless! Maybe I will keep him after all…

In any case, it’s time to go home. Back to the twin, the house, and preventing Wolfie from chewing the second to bits. I have to admit, as I crawl into bed, holidays are nice but there’s nothing quite like coming home again. Especially now that my cold seems to be getting worse! It’s getting harder to walk straight and my body aches all over. At least my bed is nice and comfy, I think to myself, as I fall gently into the welcoming arms of sleep…

It’s a couple of hours later that I suddenly wake up extremely thirsty for some reason. Groaning, I pull myself out of bed, quickly check on the twins, then bleary-eyed and yawning I head to the bathroom to get a drink. My skins feels all weird and tingly, and as I run a hand through my hair I wince at the clumps in my hair I feel. Sadistic Creator, I need a showe…

…Huh? What’s that?

From the corner of my eye in the darkened bathroom I see something strange. Quickly I turn on the lights and find myself in front of the mirr..



…

Apparently, they could hear my scream a mile away.

ZOMG!!!!!!!!
Was never expecting that, not in a thousand years! How would a non gardener be a plant sim? Tsk tsk tsk, cheater cheater cheater.
Update soon and happy simsing!

:P

Unfortunately, you'll have to wait for a couple of days before the next update. I'm heading back to my Univeristy on the 22nd, so I have to pack all my stuff up, including my PC, by the 21st. Next update will most likely be the afternoon of the 22nd. Hope you all like my little cliffhanger.

:devil:

A plantsim o.0 Definitely NOT expecting that one either. Can't wait to see how that one happened.

Woah!! *is completely blindsided* Did not expect that. Hehe, I bet her gardener boytoy is gonna get it for this one. :D

Love this story. You're a great writer. I've been lurking around this story for a while and really enjoy it. Thought I should express my appreciation to you for such a great story. Can't wait til the next update.

Only just started reading this, but it's FANTASTIC. Each update is just as good, if not better, than the last, and they're all hilarious!

Gosh, this is eerie. I know we had warning and everything, but no updates from SP for three days? Gives me the shiverys, lol. Not to whine but *sing songy voice* update soon you vile liar! And yes I'm ignoring time zone differences. Happy simsing, hope university is fun.

Sadistic Creator, what did you do to me now!?



Sitting down on the toilet, I just sat there, crying. What’s happened to me? My skin, it feels all weird, sort of firm yet stretchy. Looking closer at my hands, I can see little vines under my skin which extend up my arm. I covered my face to hide the fact that I had turned into a freak and to pretend that this was all a bad dream, but unfortunately the world decided to annoy me even further by letting me brush against the leaves that’s replaced my hair. Thanks a bunch Reality!

At this point, I can hear raised voices from outside the locked door. My scream must have woken the kids. Please don’t come in here kiddos; Mama’s having a mental breakdown…

Suddenly I heard Armando’s deep voice over the kids, ordering to stand back. Why is h…

A loud crash, then suddenly the door flew off it’s hinges and Armando shot through like a bullet. It only took one look, and he was gaping at me like a cow. I quickly looked away – I don’t want to see the horror and disgust that’s got to be there!

Then, a gentle hand guided my face to look at him. Strange, he’s not scared…If fact, it looks like…

…It looks like a mix of worry and love…

“Noir, are you okay? That scream scared us all!”

…No, I’m perfectly fine being a freak of nature. Idiot.

“Look at me Armando! I’m horrible, I’m disgusting…”

A quiet voice breaks me for my monologue.

“And you’re still Noir, so I still love you.”



After the kiss, I just sat there in shock, giving Armando enough time to fill a glass of water and hand it to me. We sat there in silence, until I had calmed down enough to speak.

“How did this happen?”

“I’ve heard of a few cases like this, it’s fairly well known in the gardening circles. It’s called Plantsimitus, and it’s caused by an extremely rare reaction, something like one in a million, to a chemical that’s found in many pesticides, household cleaners, and pool cleaners. I remember reading in Sim Gardens how gardeners in Three Lakes had protested at the use of this in keeping the log roll free of algae…Oh God.”

Lucky me. I knew I was one in a million, but this REALLY takes the cake.

“Is there a cure?”

“I’m sorry, but I’ve never heard of a cure”

…

Please excuse me; I don’t think I’m going to be very coherent for a while. Please come back in a few days, after I finish screaming and they let me out of the pretty white jacket.



Well, I’ve been a living plant for a week now, and there’s been no news of a cure. I’ve found out that the vines now cover my entire body, and along with the hair and green skin my eyes has changed colour. I also need a lot of sunlight and water, so swimming during the day is often where I’ll be. Meanwhile, Armando’s promised to do his best in finding out if there’s a cure, so I guess it’s just a matter of waiting and not panicking, especially with the twins growing up.



Here’s little Aries, isn’t he cute. I love playing with that gorgeous, soft, mop of hair, it helps me to forget my own is nothing more than a bunch of leaves.



And here’s little Gemini being held by her big sister. I’m actually really lucky I suppose. The kids have been a great help, with Scorpio digging deep into his science books, and Pisces helping out with the twins whenever she can. Even Sagittarius has been a great help by giving me plenty of hugs and cleaning the house with Remington each day while I gather enough sunlight to get through the night. None of them were disgusted or scared of me like I feared…



…Pity the rest of the world isn’t the same. Whenever I leave the house, I get people staring at me, old women scowling at me, and mothers hiding their kids behind them whenever I walk by. If it wasn’t for the fact that Wolfie needs his walk, and Pisces and I need some new clothes – her because of the way she’s grown like a weed, and myself because, well, the hair on my head is not the only hair to be replaced by leaves, so trousers are a bit on the uncomfortable side, and all my dresses are too light for these cold winter months – I would never leave the house! Even now, I’m watching that old bat Crumplebottom very closely in case she tries to hit me with her purse again.

So closely, I nearly jump out of my bark when an arm wraps itself around my waist. I turn my head quickly, only to see Ab’s grinning face.

“Hey there Noir, long time no see! You’re a little different, have you had a hair cut?” Ab said as he grinned at me.

I explained what had happened, surprised that he wasn’t disgusted. At the end of my explanation, I asked him this. He just shrugged and replied,

“A hot woman is a hot woman, no matter her species. Although, I do have to check one tiny little thing. You see, the best way to find out which is home-grown and which is from the supermarket is by taste…”



“…Mmmm, just as Mother Nature intended.”



Well after that discussion, I decided to look on the bright side of things. I may be a plant-woman, but at least I’m still a hot one! Like my new clothes? I felt like going a bit different this time, but this dress is surprisingly comfy.



It doesn’t help that due to all this swimming, I’ve now fitter than I’ve ever been and let me tell you, it feels damn good!



I don’t know if I can give that as the cause for the great improvement in mine and Armando’s private time though. If I knew the combination of me and vegetation would make Armando this good, I would have dug out my old grass skirt from Twikkii!

Another great thing is that because I only need sunlight, water, and to socialise every now and again, it’s really helping me look after the twins, especially now that they’re entering the terrible twos. I don’t need sleep as long as I have light, or to stop to eat while making sure they get into trouble. Armando’s going to install some new lights which mimic the effect of sunlight so I’ll be able to watch them around the clock.



Until then, I’ll be spending my nights in the greenhouse where these lights already are, with my new baby. Isn’t he cute? I’ve decided to call him Audrey II, and it seems he likes that name. It’s nice here, listening to the plants chatter about their swelling buds and their conditions, even if it was a surprise at first.

Trust me, walking past a tomato plant and having it yell at you to water it is a bit of a shock the first time round.

Above all, there’s one thing about this condition that I love above all the rest. After all, a plant can’t get pregnant!



…Apparently they can.

Oh my! XD Poor Noir, she's really put through the wringer this time, isn't she? Love the story, great update!

After seeing your pictures of Noir in the picture forum, I thought I'd pop in to read the story. I've only read the first 2 chapters so far, but I can already tell I'm going to love it! Unfortunately I need to sleep now, but I can't wait to read the rest. :jig: